He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
