i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
