He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
