a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
