Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I smell like Dick and happiness
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
