hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
