omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
smell my finger.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
