I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
