Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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