a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
