Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
