Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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