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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm in your bed right now

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Okay meet you there give me 10

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't think you can make me leave either

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you

  Fav 6 2396 938

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.

  Fav 10 2725 1226

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.

  Fav 9 2944 1252

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already

  Fav 13 1437 796

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• (530): View more from California

  I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big

  Fav 8 1577 703

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."

  Fav 11 1967 732

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station

  Fav 10 882 549

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• (805): View more from California

  Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.

  Fav 6 970 533

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.

  Fav 4 1137 594

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• (818): View more from California

  Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.

  Fav 2 536 430

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.

  Fav 1 450 217

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.

  Fav 0 26 40

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.

  Fav 0 14 23

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