My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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