Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
