I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
