WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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