I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
