TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
