I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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