Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
is it fun? or sober?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
