i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
