I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
