So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
where am i from again
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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