my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
