are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
