So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This baby is an asshole
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
