she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
