How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
