Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
