if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
