how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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