From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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