I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
