I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
