It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
