my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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