you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
