so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
