As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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