I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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