I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
