You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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