So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
