I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She bit a glass in half.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
