I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
