Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The air taste purple.
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