Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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