he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
