I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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