Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
